Change vs. Acceptance: When to Push Forward and When to Let Go
A few years ago I was in a job that made me really unhappy. It was a regular topic of conversation with my then therapist who suggested I embrace the concept of acceptance. Whilst I can objectively see her point, I didn’t believe that was the right course of action then, and still don’t, after many years of reflection. The good news is that I did indeed leave that job (and the therapist), but the consideration of when to accept and when to fight, has never left me. Given the current state of the world, such consideration feels ever more pertinent, in a time when a focus on acceptance feels increasingly unacceptable (pun intended).
The Good and the Bad of Acceptance
In a world where resilience is valued and mental well-being prioritised, the call to "accept the things I cannot change" is often echoed as a mantra for peace. Acceptance has real power: it frees us from spending energy on things outside our control and empowers us to refocus on our own growth. Acceptance can be transformative, helping us depersonalise events, letting us move forward without dragging past hurts or fears along. In mental health, it has a grounding effect. For example, by accepting that a relationship or workplace is unhealthy without internalising blame, we shift our energy toward healing rather than dwelling on circumstances we can’t control.
However, equally important is the counterpart, "change the things I cannot accept." This crucial distinction demonstrates that it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution—especially when faced with injustice, harmful environments, or deep-rooted systemic issues. Knowing when to lean into acceptance and when to drive change is essential in navigating challenges effectively. When circumstances or environments are actively harmful or unjust, acceptance becomes a limiter rather than a liberator. These are the times that call for change and action. In the face of inequity, harmful systems, or even global crises, we have a duty to push forward—to speak out, to advocate, and to stand with others in resistance. Change is not just possible, but essential, and complacency, under the guise of “acceptance,” can prevent necessary progress.
Knowing When to Accept and When to Drive Change
Assess the Impact:
Ask, is this a situation that simply requires resilience, or is it actively affecting my well-being or that of others? If it’s the latter, consider what changes, big or small, you might advocate for.
Will acceptance give you peace or keep you stuck? If accepting a situation allows you to move forward with clarity, it’s likely empowering. But if it leaves you feeling powerless or silenced, change may be necessary.
Is the issue one of control or influence? Acceptance is most powerful when dealing with factors outside our control, while change is powerful when we can influence a situation directly.
Evaluate Your Values: Acceptance may offer a reprieve, but it should align with your values. If an environment or condition fundamentally challenges your core beliefs or ethics, change may be the only option.
Know Your Limits & Find Your Community: Sadly, sometimes there’s only so much any one person can change. Acceptance may be necessary to move forward with a sense of peace, especially in situations that require a level of tolerance. However, in cases that continue to demand your power to change, before fully leaning into acceptance, give yourself the grace to take a break. Fighting for systemic change or to combat injustice is emotionally and physically exhausting. Remember you are not alone. Instead lean into communities that share your commitment and values. Perhaps one person alone cannot drive change but together we could be unstoppable.
On a personal level, both acceptance and change have their place. Acceptance is a relief when fighting isn’t worth the cost. Conversely, driving change is essential when injustices persist. By assessing each unique situation, we empower ourselves to determine the approach that serves us best, without letting either change or acceptance be the answer to everything.
May acceptance fuel your wellbeing and may change fuel your impact, creating a fairer and safer world for all.
